Everything is gay in Initial D

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The more I watch Initial D, the more I realize how incredibly straight unfriendly it is. I'm waiting for the moment of epiphany when all the characters realize that if they want to get it on, they're just going to have to have a massive orgy. Or at least...you know, hook up with each other.

Het Couple #1: Takumi/Natsuki
First, Natsuki was involved in an enjo kousai, and that tore Takumi up a bit. Then they graduated, she left for Tokyo, and it seems they haven't really been keeping in touch with each other since. Takumi thinks of her from time but his mind is obviously elsewhere.

Het Couple #2: Iketani/Mako
There was a short stint involved with Iketani and Mako, the driver of Impact Blue. Obviously, Mako has mad skillz and Iketani has no skillz. Being of the man sort, he got all caught up in the fact that Mako idolizes Takahashi Ryosuke, and didn't make it in time to meet with her the night she promised him her virginity. He really hasn't seen her since. Iketani loses.

Het Couple #3: Kyoko/Keisuke
Kyoko drives a black single-turbo FD. Keisuke drives a yellow twin turbo FD. Kyoko loves Keisuke, because he loves cars too. Too bad Keisuke isn't interested in her at all, probably because she's a silly bint who refers to him only as "darling." He ignores her. He tells her to go away. He ignores her some more. That's about it. OH SNAP.

Het Couple #4: Itsuki/Kazumi
Kazumi expresses an interest in the comedic relief of the show, but much to Itsuki's misfortune, when push comes to shove, Kazumi chooses an older salaryman over the likes of Takumi's best friend. Itsuki is of course, brokenhearted and goes back to being "Lonely Driver Itsuki."

Given that those are pretty much the only het pairings in Initial D, and they all end up in failure. What else is Initial D trying to tell us other than we should all be driving Hachi-Roku's with Fujiwara Tofu Ten painted on them? It's telling us that being gay is the way.

Observe:

Yaoi Solution #1: Keisuke/Takumi(/Ryosuke?)
Being rivals, the best way for them to get out their frustration is in bed. What better way for your opponent's skills to rub off on you than doing the horizontal tango together? Bonus points if you can get Ryosuke to join in, cause he's sure as hell got more up his sleeve than just drifting advice. In that simulation, everybody wins!

Yaoi Solution #2: Kenji/Iketani
Hey Iketani, you know how Kenji hangs around the gas station all the time? You know how he always comes to see you? You know how he doesn't mind riding in the passenger side when you drive? It means he wants you. Need proof that Kenji swings that way? Just ask about that one time Kenji and Itsuki went down the waterslide at the water park together. That wasn't just a pen, that was a penis. Get a clue and get some ass.

Yaoi Solution #3: Ryosuke/Keisuke(/Takumi?)
Keisuke's kind of a dim bulb compared to his brother. But it's a good thing, cause I'd rather Ryosuke be my doctor that his little bro. If you want to improve your driving, Keisuke, why don't you try out-driving your brother first? Bonus points if you can get Takumi to join in! Two for one, baby!

Yaoi Solution #4: Itsuki/???
Okay Itsuki, I gotta say, I can't picture you with any guy at all, because then my head would explode. You might not want to shoot too high and go for somebody equally unattractive as you...Iwaki Seiji comes to mind, but I'm sure he's already Kyouichi's bitch. Better luck next time.

Ideal Yaoi Couple: Nakazato/Shingo
The two Night Kids have really got it going on, and it shows. They have a wonderfully stable relationship which they try to conceal by not standing too close to each other in the galleries, but come on. The fact they always arrive places together is more than enough evidence to know that when the race is done, one of their cars (most likely the R32, since it's a little spacier in the backseat than the Civic) will be shaking vigorously and steaming up. Just make sure you keep that air freshener around and check your car's suspension afterwards.

Now if that doesn't convince you guys to watch/play/read Initial D, I'm all outta ideas, man.

EDIT: To the person who came to my blog looking for "Initial D yaoi" you can find some right here and here, courtesy of yours truly.

EDIT #2: If you look up yaoi on Wikipedia in the external links section, you'll find a newspaper article I appeared in from the Boston Globe. It's days like this that I really regret not pursuing a Ph.D in cultural anthropology so I could become one of the academic voices on all things slash and yaoi. Curses. This means I'll have to get two Ph.Ds.

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