You know what the most lonely feeling in the world is? The feeling that you're superfluous. I get that sometimes, when I'm hanging out with friends here. The feeling that I'm tangential, the feeling that whether I'm here or not, it doesn't really matter, nobody's paying attention, nobody cares, and that things would go on fine in that group regardless of my presence. The feeling that if I weren't there, maybe my friend would be a little relieved and glad.
When I get that vibe, I try to hang out with those people as little as possible. It's a horrible, frustrating feeling, because there's nothing you can do about it. Given the fact that none of my friends are gonna be around at home when I go back, I think I'm going to be more hermitish than usual. I think I'm going to be packing a lot of books.
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