September 22, 2010
fucking emotions, how the fuck do they work

Ngh this week. Basically, as I have told a bunch of people, I've started doing sales on top of my data entry/web dev stuff because I can actually be polite to customers. Hooray more hours, more money, but fuck is handling sales a lot of responsibility. Not that we get a ton of in-person ones (and I'm not doing online or phone sales) but furniture means handling a lot of money.

On top of that, I needed to get my meds refilled, oh, about a week and a half ago. Not because I don't have the prescription or the money, but because I have been too tired and depressed to go by the pharmacy. Which I know is 1) stupid and 2) a sign that yes I really should go because not getting meds is almost certainly contributing to me feeling tired and depressed. So my mood has kind bottomed out a bit this week and I'm getting either angry, anxious, or both about like every fucking stupid little thing, and then I hate myself for getting upset about something so stupid.

ffffffff I know this is all just messed up neurotransmitters but at the moment it is actually taking effort to not like quit mainstream RP and just go back to my musebox and RP that doesn't feel like such a popularity contest, fuck. I know a lot of fun comes out of big games and stuff but right now I feel like mainstream RP is just killing me with how toxic the community is. I actually stepped away from a lot of the cosplay communities for the same reason.

idk, toss me a link to cute/funny/awesome stuff. That'd probably help more than hugs right now.