September 28, 2010


I was all nice and chill today, got tags done, read more DGM, and of course as soon as I put my head down all of the anxiety and self-doubt come back. Seriously, brain, cut this shit out >|

Most likely I will feel better in the morning, I just had to get that out. Time to lay down and attempt to think calming thoughts.

September 25, 2010
Status Updates

Have meds and a several-day hiatus from srs bsns RP until I can calm the fuck down and stop acting completely unhinged over things. I also went home sick after being at work an hour because I felt totally wrecked - pretty much like I was going to eithe rbe sick, pass out on my keyboard, or both. Luckily coming home and going back to sleep for another five hours seems to have helped.

I feel like these two comics explain a lot of my life right now. I showed J the second one and the following conversation ensued:

J: is your body a psychotic war-machine?
Me: Occasionally
Me: Yes XD
J: Cool

Other than that, I have used my new time-I-am-not-RPing to start FF9 and rewatch Batman Beyond. Still reserving judgement on the first as I'm not really past the intro plot yet, but the second - man, I forgot how much I loved this show in middle school. Batman + Cyberpunk = AWESOME. Also Bruce Wayne being a cranky old man and beating up gangs with his cane.

Tomorrow I am going hat shopping with friends, and then I may knit. Not that I really have anything in mind to knit, but it will give me something to do with my hands while I game instead of fiddling compulsively with dice.

September 22, 2010
fucking emotions, how the fuck do they work

Ngh this week. Basically, as I have told a bunch of people, I've started doing sales on top of my data entry/web dev stuff because I can actually be polite to customers. Hooray more hours, more money, but fuck is handling sales a lot of responsibility. Not that we get a ton of in-person ones (and I'm not doing online or phone sales) but furniture means handling a lot of money.

On top of that, I needed to get my meds refilled, oh, about a week and a half ago. Not because I don't have the prescription or the money, but because I have been too tired and depressed to go by the pharmacy. Which I know is 1) stupid and 2) a sign that yes I really should go because not getting meds is almost certainly contributing to me feeling tired and depressed. So my mood has kind bottomed out a bit this week and I'm getting either angry, anxious, or both about like every fucking stupid little thing, and then I hate myself for getting upset about something so stupid.

ffffffff I know this is all just messed up neurotransmitters but at the moment it is actually taking effort to not like quit mainstream RP and just go back to my musebox and RP that doesn't feel like such a popularity contest, fuck. I know a lot of fun comes out of big games and stuff but right now I feel like mainstream RP is just killing me with how toxic the community is. I actually stepped away from a lot of the cosplay communities for the same reason.

idk, toss me a link to cute/funny/awesome stuff. That'd probably help more than hugs right now.

September 16, 2010
/cue triumphant return

Oh hello. I kind of vanished there for a bit, didn't I? August was pure madness - new job, new game, two cons for which I did WAY TOO MUCH OF THE SEWING WORK FOR. Flakefriends are not getting free labor from me again after this year. I wasn't posting much because I think it would have just been like the work 'fuck' in h1 like three hundred times. It was rough going but the end result was pretty awesome.

Anime Evolution 2010
Kumoricon 2010

Kumoricon photos will be on my own gallery eventually - still trying to figure out a Gallery2 upload module for Linux that works, as the F-Spot one just....crashes F-Spot with no errors. AE was way too hot and I didn't do much con stuff, but I got in for free for helping with an event so it was fine anyway. Kumoricon was loads of fun, even if the drive was waaaay too long. But it was really awesome to meet some net people IRL.

Bought stuff at both the cons (of course) - two Bleach doujin and the Color Bleach English release at AE, and then at Kumoricon I bought a pile of Peacemaker Kurogane manga and....a sexy anime lady bodypillow. Mostly because it was the Major and she is awesome. Also she doesn't have the 'no means yes' face that most of those pillows have, though she does have Masamune Shirow's strange boob drawing habits.

Since getting home, I have mostly been getting caught up on gaming stuff and getting used to more hours at work, and trying to get the house cleaned up so it looks like humans live here. This involved a $180 ~IKEA adventure~ today, but I finally have space for all my books and don't have to store costumes in plastic bags on the floor. Still a long way to go, but it's a start!